Four posts in a week? Go ahead, pick your jaw off the floor. Now let me tell you my little secret. It's called the "Post Options" button on blogspot. It allows me to write posts and schedule them to be posted later. So instead of lesson planning on my long weekend off, I pre-wrote 4 blogs. Productive? Yes. The kind of productive that pays the bills? Not quite. However, I did promise an update on my current state, a year and a half in to this crazy experience. So it goes.
Around the same time last year, I wrote a blog about the importance of keeping my balance, of taking care of myself AND working hard. I can't remember exactly what I was feeling like then, mostly because I think my brain has blacked out those memories. But I do remember sitting on the edge of my bathtub, the furthest place I could hide myself in the house without anyone hearing me, and crying my eyes out many a night in January. Whatever I was telling people, I was probably lying. Of course I wasn't okay. My kids were practically declaring mutiny in my classroom. I worked from 7 am to 11 pm, stopping only to drive home from school and the occasional meal. And still, it didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. I think that whole taking care of myself thing eventually turned into drinking a glass of wine a night while simultaneously stifling sobs and cursing at SMART Notebook software for not being able to create powerpoints via telepathy. If I remember correctly, I was a hot mess.
February and March weren't any better. The only thing that kept me sane after losing our February work day to snow was a two-day middle school conference in Greensboro that gave me a three-day work week. I was dying for something to look forward to, and two paid days "off" (a free stay at a hotel and a conferece? That's practically Christmas to me!) were my golden ticket.
I'm pretty sure February was also the month I started bribing my children with baked goods. It may have been even earlier than that. But I distinctly remember the downward spiral of my classroom management for which cupcakes and juice became a band-aid, a way to temporarily cover up the problem.
So the question...is it better now? Is second year really that much different?
The answer is....YES.
I still clock in close to 55 hours a week at school. I still work my butt off, and I still have to create new lessons because, let's be honest, I had no idea what the heck I was doing last year. And at the beginning of the year, I was still working for hours a night at home, too. But the results are so much different. Children actually listen to me. Most of them respect me, and a lot of them are learning from me. I still have discipline issues, but most of them can be solved with a conversation rather than a referral (I've only written TWO referrals for behavior so far this year. The rest have been for cutting class or tardies, which are required according to school policy. Knock on wood!). And at the end of the day, I leave feeling happy, not defeated, hurt, or discouraged.
Why are things so different this year? I think there are several reasons.
I'm definitely a better teacher than I was last year. I have a better understanding of what's important, what the kids will struggle with, how to help students who are struggling. I still have a long way to go before I am a truly effective teacher, but that's one of the best (and sometimes most frustrating) things about teaching: you can always get better.
I'm not new. The kids I have this year saw me around school last year, so they know about me. And I have much more confidence this time around. I can say things like, "I'm not going to yell, you're just going to be quiet," and they work. It's beautiful. I'm also not afraid to tell a student to "sit your tail down".
My team. I can't say it enough. The women I work with are amazing. They are so much fun, they are all good at what they do, and we work really well together. We have a small class of just over 100 7th graders, so there is only one teacher per subject, and we all teach all the kids. I think this helps us with consistency, and we all teach our own subject, so we aren't being compared to each other. The kids know we are all on the same page, too, and that we tell each other everything, so they rarely succeed at pulling anything over on us.
Taking care of myself...and I don't just mean drinking a glass of red wine. These past few weeks, I have found a new rhythm. I spend a few hours each weekend planning the whole week ahead, printing the resources, making the powerpoints, etc. During the week, I stay a little later at school making copies for the next day and getting my classroom set up. When I go home, I rarely even open my work bag. I've graded some papers here and there, but for the most part, when I'm home, I'm done. Last week especially, I realized just how much time I was spending on lesson plans, which always have to be adjusted as you go anyway. In fact, three out of five days last week I showed up at school and changed my lesson plans 30 minutes before school started, and things went perfectly fine. I use my time at home instead to actually cook real meals (bacon wrapped chicken, broccoli and cheese calzones, and garlic cheddar chicken were on the menu last week), go to the gym, read, watch Jeopardy, and just relax. I feel like a new person, and I actually look forward to school the next day. Let's hope this can continue.
God's grace and mercy. Obviously. Right before starting school back from winter break, I was sitting on my back patio in unseasonably warm weather, staring across our pond to the government housing on the other side, worrying about my babies. Worrying that I'm not enough for them. That what I'm doing won't be enough to get them to pass the EOG. That it won't be enough to get them out of their town, their economic situation. That I'm just not enough. In the stillness of that beautiful day, God lifted that burden from my heart and said to me, "Let go. You loving them is enough." And I believe it.
I can name at least 15 kids who have no hope of passing the EOG. Please don't misinterpret that as a lack of faith in my children. The educational system in their county, in this country, has failed them for so many years in a row that it would take divine intervention for them to pass a 7th grade test. But I was reminded very clearly as I sat in my backyard on that first day in January that this is all about so much more than that state test.
Definitely singing a different tune than last year. Praise the Lord for that!
Oh, and praise the Lord for teacher work days--two Mondays off in a row!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Benchmarks, Basketball, and Summer 2012
So much has happened in the past few weeks, that it's hard to even know where to begin. I mentioned in a previous post that the longer I wait to write, the harder it is to write meaningful posts that highlight the important things without writing pages and pages at a time. Alas, my attempt to hit on the significant things that have happened since winter break.
Benchmark testing revealed my weakness in teaching to my high kids. It is typically harder for those kids to show growth if they are already at or above grade level, especially when I am teaching mostly kids who are below if not signficantly below grade level. My newest goal is to find ways to challenge my higher kids without giving them extra work. I've started copying pages from an algebra textbook for my one kid who scored the highest the whole school; even before I teach him any of the curriculum he can already solve any problem I give him. So exponential functions and trignometry it is!
Basketball season is underway, and I absolutely love going to the games with my 7th grade team. I know I've said it before, but I adore the women I work with. They are so much fun--I spend 95% of the time with them laughing my butt off at the ridiculous things they say and do. We love to sit in the stands and cheer for our 7th grade students, sometimes heckling them a little bit ("GO RODNEY! SLEEPS IN CLASS!"), and talking to parents who are unable to attend conferences but have miraculously free schedules when it comes to game night. The girls are currently undefeated, and the boys have had some exciting games but a not-so-hot record. Even though I don't get home from school until after 8 pm on a game night, it's so worth it and has become one of my favorite parts of the week. It even makes me miss watching my sister's games (and not just because it was much better basketball).
On a personal level, I just booked a ticket to Milan, Italy with 5 of my best friends from high school! We are planning a 10+ day trip to Europe this summer, 7 years after our first jaunt together. Our possible itinerary includes stops in Venice and parts of Switzerland and Germany. Suggestions are welcome! A few of us may also extend the trip to include a trip to Finland (my homeland!) to visit a friend of a friend, and from there a day trip to either Stockholm or St. Petersburg. More details to come. Thanks to Britt's dedication to getting the planning started, we're on our way.
You may be wondering how I'm holding up this time of year, when the sun starts to set before dinner, where the weather makes you not want to leave the warmth of your bed, and where kids start to go crazy, coming off the high of winter break. Or maybe you haven't. Either way, that post is coming next. For now, let's just say I'm not crying myself to sleep every night like I did last January. Moving on up.
Benchmark testing revealed my weakness in teaching to my high kids. It is typically harder for those kids to show growth if they are already at or above grade level, especially when I am teaching mostly kids who are below if not signficantly below grade level. My newest goal is to find ways to challenge my higher kids without giving them extra work. I've started copying pages from an algebra textbook for my one kid who scored the highest the whole school; even before I teach him any of the curriculum he can already solve any problem I give him. So exponential functions and trignometry it is!
Basketball season is underway, and I absolutely love going to the games with my 7th grade team. I know I've said it before, but I adore the women I work with. They are so much fun--I spend 95% of the time with them laughing my butt off at the ridiculous things they say and do. We love to sit in the stands and cheer for our 7th grade students, sometimes heckling them a little bit ("GO RODNEY! SLEEPS IN CLASS!"), and talking to parents who are unable to attend conferences but have miraculously free schedules when it comes to game night. The girls are currently undefeated, and the boys have had some exciting games but a not-so-hot record. Even though I don't get home from school until after 8 pm on a game night, it's so worth it and has become one of my favorite parts of the week. It even makes me miss watching my sister's games (and not just because it was much better basketball).
On a personal level, I just booked a ticket to Milan, Italy with 5 of my best friends from high school! We are planning a 10+ day trip to Europe this summer, 7 years after our first jaunt together. Our possible itinerary includes stops in Venice and parts of Switzerland and Germany. Suggestions are welcome! A few of us may also extend the trip to include a trip to Finland (my homeland!) to visit a friend of a friend, and from there a day trip to either Stockholm or St. Petersburg. More details to come. Thanks to Britt's dedication to getting the planning started, we're on our way.
You may be wondering how I'm holding up this time of year, when the sun starts to set before dinner, where the weather makes you not want to leave the warmth of your bed, and where kids start to go crazy, coming off the high of winter break. Or maybe you haven't. Either way, that post is coming next. For now, let's just say I'm not crying myself to sleep every night like I did last January. Moving on up.
Monday, January 16, 2012
MLK Day
"Can anyone tell me about the Civil Rights Movement? What was the goal?"
"The goal of the Civil Rights Movement was....World Peace." Said matter-of-factly by a rather feminine male student, in about the same tone a beauty pageant contest would use when proclaiming her one wish. Not quite, my friend, but I like where your head is at.
In preparation for the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday, our literacy activities last week all revolved around MLK, his speech, and his effect on our country. For the first time in my life, I watched his whole "I Have A Dream" speech, and wondered why I had never seen it before. I was fixated on the footage from that beautiful day in 1968, when thousands and thousands of people marched on Washington to stand behind this courageous man. And also for the first time, I realized just how brave Martin Luther King, Jr. really was. One of my intellectually advanced students made an excellent point in our discussion after watching the speech. She reminded us that King took a huge risk, knowing that what he was saying wasn't popular, and was even dangerous at the time. It sounds obvious, but when you really think about it, it's pretty incredible. Most of my kids said it themselves--they would never have survived in a time like the 1960s, when violence and injustice against African Americans were legal. And I'm scared to think of who I would have been if I had lived in those times, born and raised in a southern state whose perception of justice was disgustingly warped. Nevertheless, it spawned great discussion in my classroom for the last thirty minutes of each day.
We watched a BrainPop video about Martin Luther King and discussed some of the basics of the Civil Rights Movement. We watched the whole MLK speech and had good conversation about the meaning of his powerful words. We talked about whether we can truly say that there is equality among the races today and, surprisingly, my class seems to agree that there is (my homeroom class, the honors kids, had a very different opinion when we discussed similar issues earlier in the year. I think they are closer to the truth, and my last period babies are a little more blissfully ignorant). We read quotes from MLK and interpreted what they meant. We saw a slideshow of pictures from the Civil Rights Movement, set to the song, "I Have a Dream" by Common. And finally, we wrote out our own dreams. Each students started with the line, "I have a dream...", and finished it with his or her own hopes for the future.
Some were pretty standard: "I have a dream, that one day there will be no more world hunger." (Can you guess who wrote that one? World Peace boy.)
Some were very insightful: "I have a dream, that one day there will be less jails, and more jobs and schools." "...that families would be together."
And some were...interesting: "I have a dream, that one day people will only be on welfare for emergency, and they will not be having babies if they don't have no jobs." (Followed by a round of disapproving lip-smacks from kids wearing brand new Jordans and living in poverty. Just saying.)
I haven't quite finished mine yet. I'm not sure what my dream is. I know Teach for America would want me to say, "One day, all children will have access to quality education...", or whatever their mission statement is (should I have that memorized?). And I don't disagree. I'm just not sure if it is enough.
Sometimes, I chuckle thinking about my life right now. Teaching 30 African American students about Martin Luther King, Jr. It seems a little ironic, and sometimes I don't even feel like it's my place. What do I know about the struggles of African Americans, 60 years ago or now? Nothing.
All I know is, I love my kids...black, white, yellow, purple, striped or spotted. I love those babies. And I think that's enough for now.
And I couldn't leave without another amusing quote, from the same kid who has already provided so many laughs. He has taken to falling asleep in my class multiple times a week, which he blames on it being the end of the day. This little gem of a conversation came after I had assigned the "I Have a Dream" writing prompt last week.
"Miss H, I ain't got no dreams."
"Honey, you should have more dreams than anyone in this classroom, 'cause all you do is sleep all day!"
Point for Miss H.
"The goal of the Civil Rights Movement was....World Peace." Said matter-of-factly by a rather feminine male student, in about the same tone a beauty pageant contest would use when proclaiming her one wish. Not quite, my friend, but I like where your head is at.
In preparation for the Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday, our literacy activities last week all revolved around MLK, his speech, and his effect on our country. For the first time in my life, I watched his whole "I Have A Dream" speech, and wondered why I had never seen it before. I was fixated on the footage from that beautiful day in 1968, when thousands and thousands of people marched on Washington to stand behind this courageous man. And also for the first time, I realized just how brave Martin Luther King, Jr. really was. One of my intellectually advanced students made an excellent point in our discussion after watching the speech. She reminded us that King took a huge risk, knowing that what he was saying wasn't popular, and was even dangerous at the time. It sounds obvious, but when you really think about it, it's pretty incredible. Most of my kids said it themselves--they would never have survived in a time like the 1960s, when violence and injustice against African Americans were legal. And I'm scared to think of who I would have been if I had lived in those times, born and raised in a southern state whose perception of justice was disgustingly warped. Nevertheless, it spawned great discussion in my classroom for the last thirty minutes of each day.
We watched a BrainPop video about Martin Luther King and discussed some of the basics of the Civil Rights Movement. We watched the whole MLK speech and had good conversation about the meaning of his powerful words. We talked about whether we can truly say that there is equality among the races today and, surprisingly, my class seems to agree that there is (my homeroom class, the honors kids, had a very different opinion when we discussed similar issues earlier in the year. I think they are closer to the truth, and my last period babies are a little more blissfully ignorant). We read quotes from MLK and interpreted what they meant. We saw a slideshow of pictures from the Civil Rights Movement, set to the song, "I Have a Dream" by Common. And finally, we wrote out our own dreams. Each students started with the line, "I have a dream...", and finished it with his or her own hopes for the future.
Some were pretty standard: "I have a dream, that one day there will be no more world hunger." (Can you guess who wrote that one? World Peace boy.)
Some were very insightful: "I have a dream, that one day there will be less jails, and more jobs and schools." "...that families would be together."
And some were...interesting: "I have a dream, that one day people will only be on welfare for emergency, and they will not be having babies if they don't have no jobs." (Followed by a round of disapproving lip-smacks from kids wearing brand new Jordans and living in poverty. Just saying.)
I haven't quite finished mine yet. I'm not sure what my dream is. I know Teach for America would want me to say, "One day, all children will have access to quality education...", or whatever their mission statement is (should I have that memorized?). And I don't disagree. I'm just not sure if it is enough.
Sometimes, I chuckle thinking about my life right now. Teaching 30 African American students about Martin Luther King, Jr. It seems a little ironic, and sometimes I don't even feel like it's my place. What do I know about the struggles of African Americans, 60 years ago or now? Nothing.
All I know is, I love my kids...black, white, yellow, purple, striped or spotted. I love those babies. And I think that's enough for now.
And I couldn't leave without another amusing quote, from the same kid who has already provided so many laughs. He has taken to falling asleep in my class multiple times a week, which he blames on it being the end of the day. This little gem of a conversation came after I had assigned the "I Have a Dream" writing prompt last week.
"Miss H, I ain't got no dreams."
"Honey, you should have more dreams than anyone in this classroom, 'cause all you do is sleep all day!"
Point for Miss H.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Putting 7th Grade on the MAP...
It's been a while. I know. And really, there aren't any good excuses. My work-life balance is healthier than ever (more in a later post), so it's not even like I can blame that. Each day that passes that I don't write, I have more to say, which makes it harder to write. Does that make sense?
For now, I'll leave you with these two pictures. The first is of me and the social studies teacher from the 7th grade team. It's funny, we so often laugh about how different we are, and she refers to us as "night and day, literally". Yet one day last week, we showed up to work wearing almost the exact same outfit, with even the smallest touches the same (buttons along our sleeves, gray pants, and the exact same shoes). I love this woman (and the other women on my team) and have already learned so much from her this year.
The second is from our week of benchmark testing, known as Measures of Academic Progress (MAP) testing. Last year, I made a poster that said "MAPping Our Way to Success" (we all know I love a good pun) and had students who reached their personal growth goal or the seventh grade goal sign the poster. It really helped get the kids invested--they wanted to be able to sign their name with their friends--and also was a fun way to celebrate success. This year, I added another touch--kids who reached/passed their goals held signs that said "I passed my goal!" while I took their pictures, which I then taped up around the poster on my door. The kids claimed to hate it, but I still catch them looking for their faces as they walk in and out of my door.
And how did the kids do on the benchmark test? There was some significant growth in a lot of kids, there was also some backsliding, and there were some kids that showed no growth or just a point or two. Nothing tremendous right now, but we've still got a few months to go until EOG testing. And really, it's not all about the test. I have kids who came to me hating math who are excited about doing HARD math this year (algebra, anyone?). I have students who know it's okay to make mistakes, because it's part of the process of learning. Sure, I also have plenty of students who still don't care, or who aren't living up to their potential. But overall, I know there are kids who will leave my classroom this year better off.
Last year, I was so quick to see my failures. I could point out tons of kids who weren't learning anything, who didn't care, who would probably move on to the 8th grade without anymore knowledge than they began with. This year, I don't want to overlook the successes. Every student may not leave me more prepared, more respectful, more persistent, and more enthusiastic about math, but I refuse to let the successes go unnoticed. After all, you win some, you lose some.
More soon,
Miss H
For now, I'll leave you with these two pictures. The first is of me and the social studies teacher from the 7th grade team. It's funny, we so often laugh about how different we are, and she refers to us as "night and day, literally". Yet one day last week, we showed up to work wearing almost the exact same outfit, with even the smallest touches the same (buttons along our sleeves, gray pants, and the exact same shoes). I love this woman (and the other women on my team) and have already learned so much from her this year.
The second is from our week of benchmark testing, known as Measures of Academic Progress (MAP) testing. Last year, I made a poster that said "MAPping Our Way to Success" (we all know I love a good pun) and had students who reached their personal growth goal or the seventh grade goal sign the poster. It really helped get the kids invested--they wanted to be able to sign their name with their friends--and also was a fun way to celebrate success. This year, I added another touch--kids who reached/passed their goals held signs that said "I passed my goal!" while I took their pictures, which I then taped up around the poster on my door. The kids claimed to hate it, but I still catch them looking for their faces as they walk in and out of my door.
And how did the kids do on the benchmark test? There was some significant growth in a lot of kids, there was also some backsliding, and there were some kids that showed no growth or just a point or two. Nothing tremendous right now, but we've still got a few months to go until EOG testing. And really, it's not all about the test. I have kids who came to me hating math who are excited about doing HARD math this year (algebra, anyone?). I have students who know it's okay to make mistakes, because it's part of the process of learning. Sure, I also have plenty of students who still don't care, or who aren't living up to their potential. But overall, I know there are kids who will leave my classroom this year better off.
Last year, I was so quick to see my failures. I could point out tons of kids who weren't learning anything, who didn't care, who would probably move on to the 8th grade without anymore knowledge than they began with. This year, I don't want to overlook the successes. Every student may not leave me more prepared, more respectful, more persistent, and more enthusiastic about math, but I refuse to let the successes go unnoticed. After all, you win some, you lose some.
More soon,
Miss H
Sunday, January 1, 2012
From 2010 to 2011
Most days, I love to write, for many reasons. It's a way to release everything you are thinking. It's a way to capture raw emotions, and a way to relive memories that would otherwise have escaped my cluttered brain. And at the start of a new year, it's a way to reflect on where you are, where you've been, and where you're going. This time last year, I took a break from packing to write a letter to my future self, the January 1, 2012 Courtney. I remembered this letter as I crawled into bed on New Years Eve Eve, and couldn't resist opening it to see what I had to say, even though it was a few days early. And then of course I couldn't resist posting it for the world wide web to see. No but really, it's a fun idea, you should try it. The hardest part is waiting until the whole year later to reread it! So it goes....
January 1, 2011
Dear January 1, 2012 Courtney,
It is amazing to me to think about how little I could have predicted about the year 2010 at this time last year. I cannot even believe that it was just one year ago that I was still in college, living in a dorm, writing papers, and living what I thought was a relatively constrained life. I was dying to graduate, to get out there into the wide open world, and to have freedom. Freedom from school, freedom from my parents, and freedom from schedules dictated to me by a registrar and a bunch of professors.
Now, looking back, that life seem so easy, and so far away. This year brought so many big changes with it. Changes I could never have imagined, and may not necessarily have chosen had I known what they would bring. But I’ll stand firm in my belief that God has me here for a reason, right where I’m supposed to be, as I start another year.
I never could have imagined at this time last year that 2010 would be dominated by Teach For America. When January 1 rolled around, I was getting ready to spend a month in Chicago, wondering if the airline industry could be a possibility for a future job. I was finishing up my application for the teaching assistantship in France, which seemed like the most likely job opportunity. I had absolutely no idea how drastically different my life was going to be in the second half of the year.
Now, here I am, a seventh grade math teacher, trying to survive without going crazy, or killing a child. Teaching has brought so many emotions, challenges, and even a little bit of joy. I have worked harder than I ever have in my life, with no end in sight. That’s one of the biggest differences between this job and everything else I’ve ever done. When I was in school, all my work resulted in good grades and eventually high honors. My extracurricular activities boosted my resume and landed me a spot in a highly regarded program. Exercising makes me feel better and helps me lose weight. But lesson planning, grading, and teaching seem to only bring frustration, exhaustion, and more work.
That being said, I feel excited to go back to work. I absolutely love the team of teachers I work with. They have been fantastic, fun, and incredibly welcoming, and I feel at home at my school. I know when I get in the car tomorrow to drive back to North Carolina, I’ll cry my eyes out and feel the weight of it all on my shoulders. The burdens of my kids, the stress of running a classroom, and the loneliness that infiltrates my heart. But I also know that Monday morning, I’ll get to see some pretty incredible people. I am even excited to see my kids, to start fresh, and to hit the ground running. It helps that we have a holiday and 2 work days in the month of January to look forward to, as well.
This winter break, I feel like I avoided spending time with friends. It was too hard emotionally; I felt like if I spent too much time with people I would not want to go back to North Carolina and would slip into depression. Instead, I read books, played Banagrams with my parents, and ran errands to keep me busy. I hope this year I’ve found a better balance and have more control over my emotions.
Here’s what I’m hoping for, praying for, and thinking about 2011.
I hope that I take at least one big trip in 2011, whether it is to Europe or an American road trip or even a beach trip. Something that requires packing a bag for a week and celebrating my first year of teaching.
I also know that with the state of our school system, there is a possibility that I won’t be at my school after my first year. While I pray that this is not the case, I abide in the knowledge that God provides.
I really hope that I’m still living at Charleston Place with at least Lojo, if not Lojo and Krista both. I love that house and would NOT want to have to deal with moving again.
I hope and pray that this is the year that I start to see God’s love more clearly in my life. I have always been one to overlook the little things that God does to care for me everyday, and I want to become more cognizant of His hand on my life. I hope that as I’m reading this on the last day of the year, I’m able to look back and point out dozens of blessings that God has poured out on me, because I know they are always abundant.
I hope that the first 4 months of my second school year (if this is applicable) have brought with them peace that was definitely not present the first time around. I hope that as I’m getting ready to head back for the second half of the year that I am at least considering staying for a third year. And I hope that we have made progress in our scores, enough to keep the state believing that we can do it.
So many things to look forward to, and so many reasons to be thankful. I hope that this letter brings me joy and a sense of accomplishment, not for myself but for the kingdom (FTK!). I cannot wait to reflect on the ups and downs of another year.
Love,
2010 Courtney
January 1, 2011
Dear January 1, 2012 Courtney,
It is amazing to me to think about how little I could have predicted about the year 2010 at this time last year. I cannot even believe that it was just one year ago that I was still in college, living in a dorm, writing papers, and living what I thought was a relatively constrained life. I was dying to graduate, to get out there into the wide open world, and to have freedom. Freedom from school, freedom from my parents, and freedom from schedules dictated to me by a registrar and a bunch of professors.
Now, looking back, that life seem so easy, and so far away. This year brought so many big changes with it. Changes I could never have imagined, and may not necessarily have chosen had I known what they would bring. But I’ll stand firm in my belief that God has me here for a reason, right where I’m supposed to be, as I start another year.
I never could have imagined at this time last year that 2010 would be dominated by Teach For America. When January 1 rolled around, I was getting ready to spend a month in Chicago, wondering if the airline industry could be a possibility for a future job. I was finishing up my application for the teaching assistantship in France, which seemed like the most likely job opportunity. I had absolutely no idea how drastically different my life was going to be in the second half of the year.
Now, here I am, a seventh grade math teacher, trying to survive without going crazy, or killing a child. Teaching has brought so many emotions, challenges, and even a little bit of joy. I have worked harder than I ever have in my life, with no end in sight. That’s one of the biggest differences between this job and everything else I’ve ever done. When I was in school, all my work resulted in good grades and eventually high honors. My extracurricular activities boosted my resume and landed me a spot in a highly regarded program. Exercising makes me feel better and helps me lose weight. But lesson planning, grading, and teaching seem to only bring frustration, exhaustion, and more work.
That being said, I feel excited to go back to work. I absolutely love the team of teachers I work with. They have been fantastic, fun, and incredibly welcoming, and I feel at home at my school. I know when I get in the car tomorrow to drive back to North Carolina, I’ll cry my eyes out and feel the weight of it all on my shoulders. The burdens of my kids, the stress of running a classroom, and the loneliness that infiltrates my heart. But I also know that Monday morning, I’ll get to see some pretty incredible people. I am even excited to see my kids, to start fresh, and to hit the ground running. It helps that we have a holiday and 2 work days in the month of January to look forward to, as well.
This winter break, I feel like I avoided spending time with friends. It was too hard emotionally; I felt like if I spent too much time with people I would not want to go back to North Carolina and would slip into depression. Instead, I read books, played Banagrams with my parents, and ran errands to keep me busy. I hope this year I’ve found a better balance and have more control over my emotions.
Here’s what I’m hoping for, praying for, and thinking about 2011.
I hope that I take at least one big trip in 2011, whether it is to Europe or an American road trip or even a beach trip. Something that requires packing a bag for a week and celebrating my first year of teaching.
I also know that with the state of our school system, there is a possibility that I won’t be at my school after my first year. While I pray that this is not the case, I abide in the knowledge that God provides.
I really hope that I’m still living at Charleston Place with at least Lojo, if not Lojo and Krista both. I love that house and would NOT want to have to deal with moving again.
I hope and pray that this is the year that I start to see God’s love more clearly in my life. I have always been one to overlook the little things that God does to care for me everyday, and I want to become more cognizant of His hand on my life. I hope that as I’m reading this on the last day of the year, I’m able to look back and point out dozens of blessings that God has poured out on me, because I know they are always abundant.
I hope that the first 4 months of my second school year (if this is applicable) have brought with them peace that was definitely not present the first time around. I hope that as I’m getting ready to head back for the second half of the year that I am at least considering staying for a third year. And I hope that we have made progress in our scores, enough to keep the state believing that we can do it.
So many things to look forward to, and so many reasons to be thankful. I hope that this letter brings me joy and a sense of accomplishment, not for myself but for the kingdom (FTK!). I cannot wait to reflect on the ups and downs of another year.
Love,
2010 Courtney
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