Silent Support

I've been waiting to write again until I had something worth writing about. A sudden change of heart that renewed my hopes and reaffirmed my purpose here in Nashville. A story or two that would move you to have faith in me, in my kids, and in this crazy school that is currently owning my life.

I've got nothing.

In some ways, things have gotten better. Although I'm pretty sure by better, I really just mean I've adjusted. I'm still working 12+ hour days. Last Thursday, I was at school from 5:30 am to 9:00 pm. Working. Copying. Grading. Trying to stay awake. Nonsense.

My official bus-unloading duties don't begin until 7:20 am, but I started getting to school two hours early when I discovered the silence and stillness that awaits me before most of my coworkers are even awake. Originally, it was a way for me to appear as though I was not letting the crazy workload engulf me. I was able to leave everyday at least by 5:30 pm, if not earlier, while most of the other teachers had to stay late and make copies, grade papers, etc. They thought I was just super efficient; in reality, I was trudging out of bed at 4:45 to take advantage of the quiet building and open copiers.

Two things have happened to change this.

First, other people started to get to work earlier and earlier, encroaching on my peaceful space and crowding the copier before anyone is even truly awake enough to operate it properly. This morning, someone even beat me to work. Panic is rising in my chest as I type this. It's supposed to be my time, my space, my brilliant idea to get to work early so I don't have to stay late.

Oh wait, and then there's the second thing. The fact that the workload has caught up with me, and I can no longer leave early. I still get to work at 5:30, but now I'm not leaving until at least 6. If not later. By the time I get home I'm so exhausted and brain dead that I can't get anything productive done. I can barely get myself up off the couch long enough to cook dinner or do the dishes. But because of this, I only get more behind and have to stay later at work. It's a vicious cycle.

But I'm determined to beat it.

I'm not sure how or when, but I will figure out a system. I will not let this job take over my entire life. Because you do not have to sacrifice your personal life to be a great teacher.

I'll let you know when I figure it out. For now...I could use some silent support. Just hover both hands above your keyboard and wiggle your fingers at your screen. That's a sign we teach our kids for a variety of circumstances, including when a classmate is struggling and needs a little encouragement. That's me, riding the struggle bus. So send that silent support my way.