Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The hardest part is saying goodbye

It's been a crazy week. Seven days ago, I was finishing my last day at Enfield with some of my favorite people in the whole world. And I thought saying goodbye to my kids was hard....

After an emotional weekend, I danced, yes danced my way into work on Monday. Part of me thinks I was just avoiding the reality that in just three days, I'd have to say goodbye to some of my favorite people in the world. Nevertheless, Justin Bieber was blaring on my Smart Board, Starbucks was flowing through my veins, and life was good. For two days, the other teachers and I worked, cleaned, laughed, reminisced, and worked a little more. But as Wednesday approached, I started to feel a bit of dread in my stomach. I wasn't ready for it to end quite yet. I never imagined how attached I would become to this school, this staff, and this community two years ago.

I still remember my first day ever at the school. My then-principal met my roommate and I at the front door and the first thing she said was, "Welcome home." I never imagined that a place 100 miles away from the only home I had ever known would actually start to feel like just that: home. From the first day, my fellow teachers made me feel not only like a part of the team, but like family. Despite our obvious differences, they have become some of my best friends these past two years. Most of our time together was spent in common planning sessions, meetings, in the lunchroom, or debriefing the day at the bus ramp after school. But the occasional sports event or dinner out allowed us to really let loose and enjoy each other's company outside of work. While other teams at school struggled to communicate and in some cases even to tolerate each other, our team turned into a family. We had our differences and we hit some rough patches, but by the end of the year we were closer than ever. There were many mornings, especially my first year, that I simply did not want to go to work. And then I remembered that going to work meant hanging out with 4 or 5 of my friends (in between classes of course). Sure, I could have survived my two years without them. But I never would have felt so much a part of the school, and I never would have enjoyed my job as much as I did. And especially the ladies on my team this year--I never would have had as much success with my kids as I did. We were an incredibly strong team, disciplining our kids with consistency, holding high expectations across the board, and working together to make the best decisions for everyone. Many a day did they sacrifice their class time to give me more minutes in my tested subject, and I am convinced that every little minute contributed to the success we saw at the end of the year. I am so thankful for the women I worked most closely with--they are beautiful, hilarious, and inspiring.

And that's just MY team. There are so many other people at school that made my two years unforgettable. Our principal this year is amazing. She works her butt off for the kids, her team, and the community. She has endured so much criticism from the district and the state, yet she stays positive when it matters. She is frank and real; she is not afraid to admit when she makes mistakes, but she also recognizes when others aren't working to their potential. Her faith in our kids is what continued to inspire me even when it felt hopeless, and I am forever grateful to have worked with and for her for the past year. Our assistant principal, guidance counselor, drop out prevention officer - all of them - hysterical and fun and so welcoming.

Needless to say, our last teacher work day was a tough day. Everything was a "last", so I found myself choking back tears all day. The last time I'd make the drive to school, the last time I'd walk down the hallway, the last time I'd turn on my Smart Board, etc. etc. Dramatic, I know, but I wanted to savor every moment. I wrote letters to each of the women I worked most closely with, and cried reading a few that had been written to me. In the afternoon, the whole staff had lunch together in the cafeteria, and it was easy to forget what was coming as we laughed together over grilled chicken, corn, green beans, and pie.

As we headed back to our rooms, I started to panic internally. Was I really saying goodbye to these women, this staff, this school? When I walked out the door today, was I really not coming back? I was overwhelmed, and retreated to my empty classroom to hide. The other teachers were busy laughing and celebrating the beginning of summer, but I was sitting at my stool, trying to hold it together. And then...the flood gates broke. I don't know what triggered it, but I absolutely lost it. All the teachers were congregating in the 7th grade hallway (that's how awesome we are--everyone wants to be part of our team), so one by one they started to notice my meltdown and tried to console me. Naturally, that only made it worse, and my body was shaking with sobs. I know they probably thought I was crazy- after all, I was the one choosing to leave, and I was moving to a fun new city with a great new job. But what they don't understand is just how much I love them. How much they made me feel at home, and how much I appreciate the way they accepted me from day one. They shaped me as a teacher, and in some ways even as a person. I am forever indebted to the teachers and staff.

I know these past few posts have been a little bit less than uplifting, but it's important for me to remember what I was thinking and feeling in my last days at my first school. I promise the next post will be filled with some good news :)

No comments:

Post a Comment