Sundays are the worst. It’s always hard to leave home to head back to Roanoke Rapids when I’ve had a nice weekend away. Even a short weekend, like this one. I was in town for less than 24 hours to celebrate an approaching wedding (not mine, don’t worry) with good friends, and it’s just as hard as when I’ve had a full weekend to enjoy my family and friends’ company. This strange feeling sets in, a delicate mixture of uneasiness, discomfort, and dread that always disappears by Monday around 9:00, after I’ve survived my first class of the week. But that hour and a half drive back to my “home” in North Carolina is the worst hour and a half of the weekend, and maybe even the week (depending on how my classes behave—sometimes they claim that title).
The truth is, I’ve never been more sure throughout this whole experience that this is where I am supposed to be right now. In fact, a phone call with a good friend yesterday brought me to that conclusion. I feel very much like I am in God’s will, that this is what He called me to do, and that no matter where I thought I’d be a year ago, this was His plan all along. But it doesn’t erase the fact that life is so much more enjoyable, relaxing, and easier at home. I feel loved, taken care of, and very much like myself. I won’t depress you by telling you how I feel when I’m in Roanoke Rapids and Enfield, but let’s just say it’s not quite those things. Thus this rainy Sunday seems to fit my mood, and I am hoping that reflecting on this past week at school will give me the motivation I need to get ready for this one.
This past week was surprisingly good. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I took a day off two Fridays ago, partly as a sick day and partly as a mental health day. I had had a really rough week with the kids, feeling walked all over and like I had absolutely no control, no motivation, and no passion. My TFA advisor strongly suggested I take a day off in the middle of the week, but I couldn’t do it. I didn’t have time to come up with a sub plan, I didn’t feel right about losing an instructional day, and I didn’t want to have a day off only to have to come back for two more days that week. But by Friday, it was a necessity. And perfectly timed, as I was giving a quiz in class anyways, so I wouldn’t lose any instructional time. So Friday morning, I called in sick, did some stuff around the house, took care of some responsibilities, and headed to Richmond for an impromptu weekend home. My parents were generous enough to take care of me, and I gained back the energy and purpose I had been lacking the week before.
Monday through Wednesday of last week were so great. I went into school with a better attitude, having had some much needed rest and time to plan ahead. My kids were really well behaved for the most part, and we got a lot done. I even got (most of) them excited about doing EOG practice problems by calling it “EOG Butt-Kicking” and calling them “Certified Butt Kickers” when they earned stickers for problems they completed correctly. I lost them a bit Thursday and Friday, especially after 2 cafeteria fights and picture day, but I left school on Friday feeling pretty good about the week, especially compared to the previous one. I’ve learned it’s just as much about my attitude and my modeling as anything else.
I’ll admit, I’m a little terrified for this week. We have benchmark testing, which in and of itself isn’t enough to scare me. In fact, it even excites me a bit. I truly think I’ve invested at least one of my classes in the idea of reaching their goals for this test, and I’m excited to see how much they’ve grown since the last time they took the test. But testing week also comes with its share of snags and inevitable schedule changes. While it requires one less day of lesson planning, it also calls for quite a bit of “just in case” preparation, as it’s possible that I’ll have one or more of my classes for longer than expected, with no warning and no idea when I’ll get to get rid of them.
The best part: next week I have 2 days off for a middle school conference in Greensboro, so I’ll only have 3 days with the kids. I guess it’s still technically “work”, but I typically love conferences, I love hotels, and I may get to see a good college friend while I’m in town. All I have to do is make it through this week…..
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