Keeping My Balance

My roommate and I have joked before about how first year teaching is kind of like treading water. Treading water isn’t enjoyable, and it’s not often associated with fun. You get tired quickly, but your only options are to keep treading or to drown. I can imagine that in comparison, second year will be much like floating on your back on a warm summer day, with the water gently lapping against my sides instead of threatening to rush over my head. Notice I said in comparison. I don’t doubt that second year will bring its share of work, challenges, late nights, and tough kids. But it must be more manageable than it is as a first year teacher. At least that’s what I was telling myself as I frantically kicked my legs and flailed my arms, struggling to keep my head above water those first few months.

Something’s changed, though. I no longer wake up with a feeling of panic or dread in my stomach. There’s no fear in my chest in those last few moments of silence before my first period students arrive. Very rarely do I come home feeling overwhelmed or unhappy or disheartened. (Although I will admit, my feelings towards my 8^th period have not changed much. I would still rather be run over by a car then deal with them most days. But that’s different.) And I think I’ve found the secret to my transition from treading water to swimming laps: keeping my balance.

So many second year TFA corps members have warned me to take care of myself, even if it means that not all my loose ends are tied up everyday. I will admit, I think it’s almost impossible first semester to do anything except school work. But after a refreshing Christmas break, I decided that I couldn’t sit back and watch myself make the same mistakes that I was very clearly warned against. Gone are the days of working on one lesson from the moment I got home until the moment I went to bed. Gone are the weekends I spent hunched over in front of my teacher’s edition and my computer, developing elaborate lesson plans that never made it to fruition. Move over, first-semester-Miss Hiltunen—make way for the new & improved second-semester Miss Hiltunen.

Now, when I get home from school, I set aside about 2 hours to get a lesson plan completely done, copies made, etc. That still leaves me with plenty of time to eat dinner and go to the gym or watch a TV show. And most importantly, I always leave some time for some good ol’fashioned prayin’ time. Now that’s the key to my success. Because Lord knows that I need some time to refocus, remember why I’m here, and cry out for help. I try to start every morning on my knees, thanking God for another day and praying for patience and the knowledge to discern what’s best for my kids. It’s so much easier to start another day, where there will surely be plenty of disrespectful 12 year olds, when I can remember who He is and how much bigger His plan is than anything these kids can pull.

This morning, I walked into school with a bounce in my step and a cheer in my voice. A bounce and a cheer, I said. On a Monday. That, my friends, only comes from keeping a healthy balance. And, of course, by the grace of God.