Teacher WHAT Day?!

I love the fact that the school district calls a student holiday a "Teacher Work Day". As if I didn't already spend (almost) every waking moment slaving over a lesson plan, guided notes, a test, or an activity to benefit my less-than-grateful kiddos. As if I don't wake up at 5:15 every week day morning to go to work, and spend my weekends sprawled out on the living floor typing frantically away on my computer. But regardless, I won't complain. "Teacher Work Days" may be the best thing ever invented--it's just the name I have some beef with.

We had a TWD on Monday, and it was by far the best day of the school year. I was incredibly productive, planning lessons to last me through the rest of the week. Not to mention I was actually able to enjoy my weekend, knowing that I'd have an extra day to prepare myself for the onslaught of chaos on Tuesday. I even had a semi-normal life this weekend, going to a party with TFA friends and having breakfast before church with a non-teacher friend. And now here I am, on a Wednesday night, eating leftover cookie dough out of a bowl while my peanut butter Hershey kiss cookies bake, blogging away when normally I should be lesson planning or copying, and waiting for Modern Family to come on. Sure, I can make a few revisions to make my lesson a little more rigorous, and I will. But for now, I'm enjoying the existence of Courtney, rather than Miss H.

Because we've been giving more benchmark tests this week, my classes are now behind on their lessons. That does mean, however, that I am even more ahead in planning, which is fabulous. This weekend could potentially be the most work-free weekend I've had since I started teaching. And perfect timing, because my grandparents will be in town, my friends are coming home, and it's my sister's birthday. Bring on Friday, I'm ready to have a life and not feel guilty about it!

The kids have been great these past few days, only because they have been using the laptops to take their tests. Which means they get to play math games when they are done. I have NEVER seen 25 children so silent as when I tell them they can put their headphones in and play games. have found my new bargaining chip.

I've also been working closely with a woman from Teach for America's National Design Team, Rachel, who is helping me take steps to transform my classroom management. She's come in to video tape, observe, and debrief with me, and she's been checking in with me over the phone. One of my biggest obstacles is honestly overcoming the preconceived notions I have in my head of these kids and why they behave the way they do. I'm working on going into all of my classes with a more positive attitude, conducting it in a more businesslike yet warm manner, and handling misbehavior with a more neutral tone. I've noticed that I tend to react rather than just act when a kid goofs off, and they love the response I give them when I get mad. It was hard to admit that I am part of a struggling classroom, which is what makes me eligible for the intervention from Rachel. But as she reassured me, they wouldn't be investing in me and my classes if they didn't expect a transformation out of it. So keep your fingers crossed for me!

Only two days left in this week. Teacher Work Days should be a mandatory part of every school week. I'm such a better teacher, being able to plan ahead and take care of myself. Plus, it doesn't hurt that there are only four days to get through :)

Keeping My Balance

My roommate and I have joked before about how first year teaching is kind of like treading water. Treading water isn’t enjoyable, and it’s not often associated with fun. You get tired quickly, but your only options are to keep treading or to drown. I can imagine that in comparison, second year will be much like floating on your back on a warm summer day, with the water gently lapping against my sides instead of threatening to rush over my head. Notice I said in comparison. I don’t doubt that second year will bring its share of work, challenges, late nights, and tough kids. But it must be more manageable than it is as a first year teacher. At least that’s what I was telling myself as I frantically kicked my legs and flailed my arms, struggling to keep my head above water those first few months.

Something’s changed, though. I no longer wake up with a feeling of panic or dread in my stomach. There’s no fear in my chest in those last few moments of silence before my first period students arrive. Very rarely do I come home feeling overwhelmed or unhappy or disheartened. (Although I will admit, my feelings towards my 8^th period have not changed much. I would still rather be run over by a car then deal with them most days. But that’s different.) And I think I’ve found the secret to my transition from treading water to swimming laps: keeping my balance.

So many second year TFA corps members have warned me to take care of myself, even if it means that not all my loose ends are tied up everyday. I will admit, I think it’s almost impossible first semester to do anything except school work. But after a refreshing Christmas break, I decided that I couldn’t sit back and watch myself make the same mistakes that I was very clearly warned against. Gone are the days of working on one lesson from the moment I got home until the moment I went to bed. Gone are the weekends I spent hunched over in front of my teacher’s edition and my computer, developing elaborate lesson plans that never made it to fruition. Move over, first-semester-Miss Hiltunen—make way for the new & improved second-semester Miss Hiltunen.

Now, when I get home from school, I set aside about 2 hours to get a lesson plan completely done, copies made, etc. That still leaves me with plenty of time to eat dinner and go to the gym or watch a TV show. And most importantly, I always leave some time for some good ol’fashioned prayin’ time. Now that’s the key to my success. Because Lord knows that I need some time to refocus, remember why I’m here, and cry out for help. I try to start every morning on my knees, thanking God for another day and praying for patience and the knowledge to discern what’s best for my kids. It’s so much easier to start another day, where there will surely be plenty of disrespectful 12 year olds, when I can remember who He is and how much bigger His plan is than anything these kids can pull.

This morning, I walked into school with a bounce in my step and a cheer in my voice. A bounce and a cheer, I said. On a Monday. That, my friends, only comes from keeping a healthy balance. And, of course, by the grace of God.