Dry, Dusty Wilderness

It's amazing what a day off can do for your soul. I haven't even had my day off yet, but I'm already reaping the benefits. Just knowing that I'm taking Friday off has made this week so much easier to face. I'm leaving directly after school on Thursday to pick up my friend from Winston-Salem, drive to Knoxville, stay the night with another friend, and end the road trip in Nashville to be apart of another friend's wedding. Four day weeks should be mandatory. It's so much less daunting than five days.

My roommate and I had a great discussion last night about just how hard this experience really is. But the one big word that God has reminded me of over and over again these past few years is perspective. It's all about how you approach something, how you perceive it, and how you let it affect you. Everyone agrees that your first year of teaching is hard, exhausting, and overwhelming. And the added stressors that we are dealing with in our community is only making it harder. The first few weeks, it was easy to come home and complain, worry, and wonder what life would be like if I hadn't chosen this path. But through the grace of God, I've been reminded not to take everything so seriously, to give it my best, and to take care of myself.

This is for sure a period of wilderness in my life, much like the wilderness that the Israelites were wandering through after they were rescued from Egypt. It's lonely, tiring, scary, and unpredictable. But I also have confidence that it is no mistake, that God intentionally brought me to this place and that He is using it. For what, I have no idea. I do know, though, that at the end of the day it's all about following Him and drawing near to Him.

We're doing a study by Priscilla Shirer for the women's Bible study at my new church, and the author's words have really hit me hard. She says: "The wilderness is designed to reveal whether we really want God or if we just want to 'get out of town' and to Canaan as soon as possible. He is interested in knowing if we have submitted to the wilderness only to receive the rewards that come with Canaan or if we truly desire Him more than anything...even the rewards...Obeying is easy when it makes sense and when milk and honesy are flowing all around us, but the true test of our commitment is best seen when there is no refreshment in sight, just plain after plain of dry wasteland. Will we obey God even then?"

Enfield is not a wasteland. Yes, it takes some convincing in the morning to get out of bed at 5:30 am. No, I don't love every moment, nor do I truly look forward to seeing every kid. But at the end of the day, I love (most of) my kids and I love what I'm doing. It's hard to explain, but it's all about perspective. And God has been nothing but faithful, so it would be silly to let the rough patches ruin the journey.