TGIF

Don’t worry, I’m alive. Not only am I alive, but I’m also smiling. It may have something to do with the fact that I’m currently enjoying a Warm Delight (thanks Mom) and the prospect of sleeping in later than 5:30 tomorrow, but it’s also in big part because I truly enjoyed my first week at school. It was long (even though it was only 3 days), it was hard, and it was exhausting, but it was also fun and invigorating. As much as I’m looking forward to some time to recoop this weekend, I am genuinely excited to get back to school on Monday. Let’s hope this lasts.

You know you’re a first year teacher when….your idea of a good Friday night is an omelette, some television, and Facebook. My roommates and I have collapsed around various parts of the house, trying to catch up on life outside of school before we before we jump back on the teacher train tomorrow to lesson plan. We’ve exchanged stories, compared our rosters, read student surveys aloud, and shared our concerns for the upcoming weeks. We’re tired of talking about school, but we can’t help it. As hard as it is, I’m loving it.

There are so many interesting things about the situation in the school that didn’t surprise me much after being in Mississippi, but I suppose they are not quite normal. For example, there is no bell system. Well, there is, but the company that installed the bells set the wrong times and never left instructions on how to change it. So the bells go off at random times during the day, and we dismiss our classes by looking at the clock. I’m already used to it, though, and I think it’s even good for me, because it keeps me accountable for how long I have left in class.

At the moment, the lunch situation is a disaster. Someone has to come around and knock on our doors at the beginning of 8^th period to dismiss us for lunch. Then, by the time I get my kids to line up quietly and walk them to the cafeteria, we have to wait in line for 10 minutes before we can even get in the cafeteria. Because of the behavior issues and prior incidents, there are some pretty tight measures taken to keep things under control. Such as only letting one class in the cafeteria at a time, and making the other classes stand in the hall. I’ll just be honest—my 8^th period is already my toughest class behaviorally, and to try to have any sort of control over them while they stand in the hall for 10 minutes is out of the question. Ten minutes in the hallway. Twenty-five 12 year olds. Not gonna happen. Yesterday I had a girl throw water on another girl. The day before another girl put this tiny (but instigating) boy in a headlock. On top of that, I have to stand around their lunch table while they eat to help keep things under control. It is certainly not ideal, but there isn’t much of a way around it.

My first three periods of the day have been fantastic. A few behavior problems here and there, but I’ve been able to nip them in the bud pretty quickly and I think we will be okay. This 8^th period, however, is a different story. Thanks to two girls and one boy in particular, we get off task easily and the noise level is ridiculous. There’s also a lot of back talking, which before I was too tired to address, but now I know that I have to take care of it. I devised a new system that revolves around individual rewards: giving out green tickets for good behavior, yellow tickets are a warning, and red tickets for consequences (isolation, conference, phone call home, etc). It seemed to work relatively well today, but we’ll see if that holds up. Kids can cash in the green tickets for rewards such as homework passes, bathroom passes, spiral notebooks, candy, etc. It may be a little more expensive to maintain than I would like, but if it means that these kids are working hard and learning, I’m okay with it for now. Maybe eventually I can wean them off of it.

It’s amazing how much my 7^th graders are like my 4^th graders from this summer. They may think they’re more mature, but honestly, they don’t act much older than 9 year olds. And ultimately, they still want attention, they still want to know that someone cares about them, and they still want to be accepted. And don’t we all?

I would be lying if I said I love every minute of it. There have been moments where I wished I could just sit down and take a break. There have been moments where I thought I might have a meltdown because of behavior. And there have been those overwhelming moments where I realized just how much work I have ahead of me. But as cheesy as it sounds, none of those matter when a student whose name I can barely remember yells, “Hey Miss H!” out the bus window, or when round Antoine proclaims to the class that I’m a good teacher when I make them practice lining up until they can follow all directions (is that what my life is coming to, measuring my value based on the words of a 12 year old?). I can’t even imagine what it’s going to feel like to actually see student achievement in action.

What I can’t get over, though, is how many of my students come from broken homes. As I glanced over my student surveys, I noticed that a good majority, maybe 85%, of my students live with only their mother and siblings or their grandparents. And it’s very rare to come across a child whose mother has the same last name. It breaks my heart to think that so many of these kids will never know what it’s like to grow up with two parents in a healthy relationship. Although I guess that’s something I’ve always taken for granted, because it’s supposed to be that way. I don’t care what anyone says. That’s the way we were created to live, in two-parent families. These kids already have so much working against them, so much that they cannot control.

Okay, enough from me. Check out a few photos from my classroom below (before Day 1—it’s a little more together and decorated now). My exciting Friday night continues as I move from my desk to my warm, soft, inviting bed to catch up on some much-needed sleep. Until next time…

Bulletin boards, mailbox system (each student has a file folder and I have one in each class's box), numbered cubbies, masking tape homework calendar, and room view.

My numbered cabinets, masking tape homework calendar, my I Want To Be A... wall (which is now covered with 95 index cards and the students' dream jobs), and the Shout Outs makeshift bulletin board.

Work Day 1

I have a feeling my blog posts are going to become a rare commodity very, very soon.

I already knew I had so much to do. But being at school today, looking at my unorganized room, and realizing how badly I want my students to learn and love my class, it hit me that I will never, ever be done. Lessons could always get better, activities could always be more challenging, and posters could always be neater. But this next week, these next months, these next two years and hopefully beyond are really going to challenge all of the lessons I have claimed to learn in college.

I’ve referenced it already in my blog, but one of the ways I’ve seen growth and God’s hand in my life is realizing how far I’ve come from being a relentless perfectionist. I still expect nothing but hard work from myself, but I’ve learned to relax, roll with the punches, and accept my state as a mere human in ways that I never could before. But as I think ahead to the challenge that lays before me, I can’t help but wonder if I’ll forget everything I’ve learned and revert back to “the old me”. I can see how easy it will be, and already is, to get consumed by the “it-can-always-be-better” syndrome. And now, the stakes are higher. My failure means student failure, which is unfair. Plain and simple. These kids deserve the best. The challenge is figuring out what that means, and how to deliver it to them in a way that they are filled with wonder, excitement, and amazement at the power of mathematics. And my personal challenge is to work hard, but not to get too lost in fancy activities or resources. I want to teach these kids, love these kids, and do it all the only way possible: through the strength of God.

Here’s an excerpt from my “Big Goal” for my 7^th grade “Pre-Algebra” class (I decided to call it pre-algebra to emphasize its importance for moving on to Algebra):

“Middle schoolers often enter a math classroom with the same question in mind: “When will I ever use this stuff in real life?” Instead of discouraging this question, I will use it as the perfect starting point for an inquiry-based exploration of the pre-algebra curriculum. In Room A410, we will develop a mindset that math is essential to everyday life, and we will begin to make connections outside of the classroom. We will explore the many ways we already use math everyday, and throughout the course, we will be asking, ‘Where else can I find math in my life?’”

It’s a tall order, I know. Get kids excited about math and still teach meaningful, aligned lessons? Welcome to the world of teaching. We do have a few tools to help us, though. Our school received a $2 million grant to use over the next 3 years, I think because of its status as a low income school and because of its performance. This year, they’re installing brand new SmartBoards to help faciliate a smooth transition into the technology world. We received an extra surprise today: each of us left with a flip camera to use in our classrooms and with our SmartBoards! However, I am terrified that I am becoming apart of a generation that will soon be behind the 8 ball on the newest technological advances, and I may for the first time understand how my parents feel when they are trying to master a new technological device that I could easily master. Gulp.

Last story for the day. We had opening ceremonies at a local middle school this morning with the whole district, and because we finished early we had a long lunch break. During that time, my roommates and I, along with a handful of other teachers, ran over to the local Staples to take advantages of some of the weekly specials: 1 cent notebooks (up to 25 if you are a teacher) with a $5 purchase and 1 cent reams of printer paper after a rebate (which was all really free to me--thanks to a gift card from Donna & Buddy!!). While we were shopping, we ran into our sweet elderly neighbor Marge. Marge has already delivered sweets and gathered up a huge box of office supplies for us, and when she heard we were school supply shopping for our classes today, she bought us 50 notebooks, 12 composition notebooks, and a set of sharpies, glue sticks, pencil sharpeners, and scissors for each of us--PLUS she gave us each $5 to spend while we were shopping. Marge is our guardian angel.

The rest of the week will be spent in meetings, with maybe a little bit of time to set up our classrooms. Next week, we have workday Monday, an all-day open house Tuesday, and then the kiddos arrive on Wednesday. So. Much. To. Do.

I was very grateful for a fun two days in Charlotte with good friends this weekend. It was a great way to reenergize and it was so nice to have some fellowship and be with people I'm comfortable with. I love my TFA friends, but there really is nothing like old friends. I'm looking forward to my first visit home to see neighbors, friends, and family. But in the mean time, you can find me closing the achievement gap.

Peace, love, and happiness.

Oh and PS. I just had to use a screwdriver and all of my balance to change our outside light bulb while standing on a bar stool and stretching my arms as much as possible. I am woman, hear me roar.

Work Smart, Not Hard

It’s official…I have my North Carolina license, am registered to vote in the Old North State, and have a coffee table in my living room—all very important indicators of my newfound adulthood. I did always say that the day I get a coffee table is the day I’ll know I’ve arrived. Although I must say it’s my housemate’s coffee table, so I’m not sure if that counts. But I think the other two are sufficient. As if I didn’t already feel grown up living in my own place that doesn’t require me to wear shower shoes or drag my laundry across campus. And certainly making my first bill and rent payments made it feel real. But now, it feels like things have really settled into place; now that I have somewhere to prop my feet when I sit on the sofa, that is.

My fourth roommate, Lauren, is finally all moved in. She’s been sleeping on the futon in the sunroom and living out of a suitcase since her parents couldn’t make the 10 hour drive until this past weekend. Her dad spent Sunday through Wednesday helping her unload boxes, set up her room, and making us dinner. He left this morning, as we headed out for our first day of New Teacher Orientation. Which may as well be called New Teacher Bore-ientation (whoa, that one came out of nowhere. So punny.). But seriously, it was almost unbearably inefficient, with too much time allotted to topics that could have been easily summed up in 20 minutes, and breezing through the important things like policies and procedures of the county. We were well-fed though, and by the time we left I was stuffed to the brim with Subway sandwiches, juice, candy, and crackers.

When I got home, I immediately pursued the one item on my to-do list that has caused me the most frustration in the past few days: obtaining my North Carolina driver’s license. Monday, on our day off, I woke up early and decided it would be my “Big Goal” of the day to cram for the written test and go to the DMV to get it over with. (side notes: 1. We often jokingly throw TFA terms, like “Big Goal”, into everyday conversation. Although it’s turning less into a joke and more into a lifestyle. 2. We have to register with the DMV by the end of August to get in-state tuition on our teacher licensure courses we’re taking through ECU. Otherwise, I would have avoided the DMV and this process like the plague.) After a rather unpleasant encounter with one of the officers, including having to return home to grab a more legitimate proof of residency and get back in line, I proceeded to fail the written test. After telling him in a less-than-friendly tone that I didn’t need a book to study. The questions that I missed, though, had nothing to do with actually driving. In fact, the test is pretty common sense when you’ve been driving long enough. On most of the questions I could make educated guesses. Rather, the questions I missed asked statistics about deaths in automobile accidents, what a leaky exhaust means, and other irrelevant topics. Needless to say, I was embarrassed when the officer asked me in front of everyone in the office whether I passed or not.

Today, I am reminded of a very important lesson I learned over and over again at TFA and our district professional development sessions: work smart, not hard. Yesterday, I spent two hours torturing myself with the North Carolina DMV handbook, trying to cram all of the information into my head. Today, I spent two minutes Googling “most missed questions on the NC driver’s test”, 10 minutes scanning a list of at least 75 questions and answers from the drivers test cheat sheet, and 7 minutes acing the test at the DMV. If only I had thought about it the first time…

On top of being a resident of North Carolina, I am also a teacher. Krista and I drove to our middle school on Monday (a 22 minute drive, mostly on 95 South—not bad!), where our principal greeted us at the door with a friendly, “Welcome home.” I immediately felt the weight of her words, and have never felt more sure about where I’m supposed to be than in that moment. It just sounded right, and it felt right running through my mind. Our math instructional coach also took time out of his day off to meet us up at the school, which was apparent by his casual dress—basketball shorts and a tee-shirt on a man I’ve just seen in a suit and tie the past 5 days. We got a tour of the school, a brand new building that we share with the elementary school, and even got to see our rooms. I was not prepared for how beautiful, open, and organized our rooms would be, and I think my jaw hit the floor when the principal opened the door to my new room, A410. It’s huge, with one wall covered entirely in windows (bright!), the back wall completely covered in drawers/cabinets/cubbies (a dream come true), and a Smart Board. It won’t feel so huge when I get enough desks in there and 25 twelve year olds running around, but it is beautiful nonetheless. I’m pretty sure my reaction was pretty entertaining, because my principal got a good laugh and proceeded to tell the next two teachers we saw how I freaked out over the cabinets. Which I did. So much space to be organized, I cannot even wait. It was surreal to think that in a little over two weeks, I’ll be standing in front of that very room, staring at the faces of my 7^th grade babies. I get so excited when I think about it that I can hardly contain myself.

This year is sure to present its fair share of challenges. In fact, I think it will present more than its fair share. But I have never felt so sure about something in my whole life. That doesn’t mean I’m going to love every minute of it, or that I’ll feel this confident everyday for the next year. And it certainly doesn’t mean I’ll be completely successful. It does mean that I can move in faith everyday because I know that this is what God’s will is, and that even the rough days will be worth it. I can trust the He’s using it for something. Even the days when I can’t see the fruits of my labor, or there are no fruits, I will keep on planting, sowing, raking, whatever I need to do, for these kids and for the One who has called me to this beautiful place. How did I get so lucky?

Living the dream...

It's funny how unaware I am of the culture that surrounds the school district right now. The past week, I've been attending session after session, soaking up all the information I can, grateful for the new deposits to my knowledge bank. The first-year teacher, taking whatever I can get by the way of advice, oblivious to what was really going on around me. I watched the veteran teachers greet each other with sincere joy, laugh at inside jokes during sessions, and share their experiences with the newbies. Sure, I could feel the annoyance after a long day of lectures, but I thought it was simply because anyone in their right mind doesn’t want to sit for this long with a school lunch and bruised fruit as their only compensation (well, a check is coming, but not until September). But that’s not where the resentment is coming from.

I realized for the first time yesterday that underneath the familiar chatter and laughter, the hooting and hollering and chorus of amens that fill the rooms, there is a deep-seated frustration with the state. Many of the teachers are angry. The state has invaded their schools, taken charge of the professional development program, and placed dozens of upper middle class, white men and women as the face of educational success in the sessions. To these teachers, the state is sending a clear message that they are not good enough; that because their schools are underperforming, that means the teachers are underperforming, and the state is here to rescue them. I’ve been in a session where a veteran teacher expressed these sentiments, and it was an uncomfortable truth to swallow. But in reality, many of these teachers are fantastic; they are just limited in resources. I feel silly for not having realized it earlier, but better late than never.

We finally have the internet in our house, and an eerie silence has fallen over the four of us tonight. It's nice to have an excuse to escape to my room. There have been very few moments in the past week that I have had my precious alone time. But that only makes the brief instances I have stolen all the more valuable. Yesterday morning I woke up 30 minutes early to eat a quiet breakfast on the patio, while watching the sunrise and reading First Corinthians. Last night I stayed up a little later to watch the killer thunderstorm raging outside my window. In these moments, I have asked myself over and over how I got to where I am. Living in North Carolina, my second favorite state (once because of the OBX, now because of my current life). Fulfilling a dream I thought was forfeited when I decided not to study education. Teaching a subject I am excited about to a group of kids who will push me to be better just as much as I’ll have to push them. And surrounded by a group of hard working teachers who also happen to be new friends.

I’ll be honest. One of the main reasons I chose to join TFA a few months ago is because I knew there would be a built in community. But I had no idea how quickly I would make friends and how much I would really enjoy spending time with them. We joke that all we talk about is TFA and school, but it has been so encouraging even just in the past few days to be living with and near so many other CMs. My roommates and I spend hours eating dinner and chatting on the patio, followed by a nightly “after dinner walk” around our neighborhood. We’ve kicked off Wine Wednesdays at another group of CM’s house down the street, laughed until we cried, and ate a delicious homemade dinner at the same house that night. Another CM who is currently unplaced and homeless came over last night to do his laundry while we ate fresh-baked cookies. This weekend we’re planning an outing to the lake and the local farmer’s market. There’s not much to do in RoRap, but there are plenty of great people to see, and we’re making it fun regardless. Below is a picture of all of the roommates. I really do feel like I'm living the dream right now, but things are about to get crazy.

The one thing I feel like I’m missing is a church community. I’m excited to try out at least one church this weekend. Hopefully I’ll find a place where there’s a good mix of ages. I have a feeling that most of the churches around here will be very traditional and geared towards an older crowd. We shall see…

My New Home

Ah, sweet summer time. Even with a big girl job, I’m still finding time to enjoy the weather. In fact, I think being cooped up all day in a school is making me appreciate it even more. My current location: the back patio of our new townhouse, overlooking a pond, with a cold glass of water and a plate of cheese and crackers. It’s been a long few days since we moved in, and it’s such a relief to finally have a normal schedule. But let me start with the move.

Last week myself and three other TFA teachers officially signed the lease on a beautiful 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom townhouse in a nice neighborhood only a mile or so off of 95 south. It was built in 2006 so it is in great condition, and all of the appliances are included. Downstairs is the master bedroom/bathroom, a smaller bedroom/bathroom, a living room, a dining area, a sunroom, a patio, and a nice big kitchen with the washer/dryer and all the kitchen appliances included. Upstairs are two more bedrooms that share a bathroom. We also have a one car garage and driveway. Parking is the only issue, but it’s worth the hassle for the house. Amy and Krista have the upstairs, I have the master, and Lojo (whose personality is equally as spunky as her nickname) has the small bedroom downstairs.

Saturday morning mom and dad drove the 90 miles to Roanoke Rapids to start unloading the 21 years worth of stuff I’ve collected. It was no easy task, I assure you. Not that I had any part in it—by the time I got to Roanoke Rapids at 3pm, everything was unloaded and my furniture was put into place. Yes, I am spoiled. But also very grateful. The house is beautiful bare, but it’s even more beautiful now that we have it all set up. Mom set up a gorgeous eggplant dining room set, complete with monogrammed napkins for each of the 4 roommates. I will admit I freaked when I heard that “eggplant” was the color, but it looks amazing—all we are missing is complementary artwork. Our cabinets and fridge were stocked, and we have so many kitchen gadgets and utensils that we hardly even know what to do with it all. Luckily we have plenty of cabinet space. Mom left the organization of my giant bedroom, bathroom, and walk-in closet to me, since it is one of my favorite things to do. Dad was a good sport the whole day, taking orders and sighs from his two girls and tackling the challenge of killing the giant spider that lived above our front door. The other girls’ parents moved them in over the course of the next two days. Here are some pictures of the new place:

We’ve met several of our neighbors already, all of whom are over the age of 50. Mary Lee brought us her business card and expressed her excitement for having some young people in the neighborhood. Marge brought us treats and told us stories about her 12 siblings, only 7 of whom are still living. And an old man from across the street came hobbling in with his cane, introducing himself as “the dirty old man”….we didn’t ask. We came home yesterday to a plastic bag full of fresh tomatoes on our front door step, presumably from one of our new neighbors. It already feels like home.

Sunday night we invited a group of the other corps members over for burgers and Mom’s homemade macaroni and cheese. It was fun to play hostess, baking brownies, cleaning the kitchen, and showing people around our new home. By 9:00 that night, half of us were sitting out on the patio catching up from the whole day we had been apart (that’s a lot when you’ve lived with people for practically 6 weeks straight…).

This week is our professional development, so all four of us in the house drive together to a local middle school for a day of sessions. The days are long because it’s mostly just sitting, listening, and discussion. But again, I do appreciate being on a schedule. The majority of our district is African American teachers, so it’s really the first time in my life I’ve been a minority. I don’t mind it one bit though. We’ve met so many great women and men who are more than happy to help us. My principal made an effort to find Krista and I and introduce us to other teachers at the school. Today I met a teacher on my 7^th grade team, and we discussed getting together to come up with an organization system for the students that would be consistent for both of our classes. She was a lateral entry teacher too (entered the field without traditional training), so she remembers what it feels like and has already been a wealth of knowledge. She also informed us that it's a really new school, and our classrooms have tons of storage/organization space—YES! I almost fell over with excitement when she told me about the cubbies, drawers, cabinets, etc. that line the classrooms. Typical.

I also received my official hire letter today, so as of Monday, August 9^th I will be an official employee! I have to go to the district office to sign my paperwork with some other new teachers. I must say, even though TFA had placed me, I was still a little nervous that something would fall through. But now I’m in the clear, and I’m even more excited for the year to start. Quite a long ways to go before I’m ready, though.

I think maybe I have been less entertaining and creative with this post, but so much has happened that I really just needed to catch up. Come back soon!

PS: I spy a teacher wearing a unitard in Starbucks (I've moved locations to post this blog until we have internet at the house). YIKES!